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Samurai Appliance Repair Man's Blog

Customer Qualification: The Cheesedork Challenge

cheesedork, dumb assess and 3 more...
You are a cheesedork if...
you resent paying anything to have me drive to your house to troubleshoot your appliance, even if you decide not to repair it.

You are a cheesedork if...
you call troubleshooting your appliance "just looking at it."

You are a cheesedork if...
you expect me to drop what I'm doing and get right over to your house, know exactly how to repair your appliance, have the part on my service van, and get it repaired in that same service call but you carp and whine nine ways to Sunday when I tell you how much it will cost to fix it.

You are a cheesedork if...
the first question you ask after I troubleshoot your appliance and tell you how much the repair will cost is "How much is a new one?" Look, I'm an appliance repair tech, not a vacuum cleaner salesman. You think I carry around appliance catalogues from all the major manufacturers?

You are a cheesedork if...
you are incapable of grasping the fundamental economic difference between the retail price for a new, mass-produced appliance and the fees charged to repair that same appliance at your house. As if the cost of banging out a million washers in a Chinese factory is somehow even remotely connected to the costs of operating an in-home repair business in the U.S. Get a clue.

You are a cheesedork if...
when you call, you inform me that you know what's wrong with your appliance and insist on knowing how much the repair will cost without me even troubleshooting it. Ummm, hold on, lemme warm up my crystal ball...

You are a cheesedork if...
you resent that I do not bill or invoice for services. Oh, you're right--as the "local provider of services" I should just send you an invoice and let my money float for 30, 60, or 90 days interest-free (if I see it at all). You wanna loan, go to the bank. You want your appliance fixed, pay me before I leave your house.

You are a cheesedork if...
you think of my business as "the local provider of services" like I'm some friggin' government agency, or something.

You are a cheesedork if...
you don't think twice about the confiscatory taxes being withheld from your paycheck or the outrageous property taxes you're forced pay, yet you'll start a modern Boston Tea Party over paying a fair price for an expert and convenient appliance repair in your home. How 'bout ranting about something that really matters, for a change?

You are a cheesedork if...
you mistake my professionalism and polite demeanor to mean it's safe for you to crab and moan to me about my bill when you know you wouldn't even make a peep to a redneck repairman about his bill.

You are a cheesedork if...
you justify your outrageous behavior to me by repeating the quaint mantra, "The customer is always right." Well, Einstein, if you're always right then whaddya need me for? Go fix it yourself.

You are a cheesedork if...
the first question you ask when calling for service is "How much...?" instead of "How soon...?" Let your fingers do the walking--call someone who doesn't have enough self-respect to tell you to take a walk.

You are a cheesedork if...
you think it should be free "'cuz it's on the innernet, an' all."

You are a cheesedork if...
you send me email whining that I'm "too cynical about people"--as if I sit around and make up all this stuff.

Puh-leez!! Folks, I wish I only made this stuff up, really I do. But the sad reality is that all this stuff is based on real encounters with real cheesedorks. Truth is, most people are just plain childish when it comes to paying for appliance repairs.

Things customers say while you're in their home on a service call...

customers, appliance repair and 1 more...
Every day, professional Appliantologists have the unique privilege of going into people's homes on appliance repair service calls. And it really is a privilege... most of the time.

We meet all kinds of people and every professional Appliantologist has fond memories of those "special" customers because of some of the things those customers say to brighten our day while we're in their homes and working on their appliance.

Here's a slice-of-life collection of some of these memorable pearls from our customers. These are all from real-life service calls and uttered by real-life customers. Could've been your neighbor, aunt, brother-in-law, or even YOU.

"Do you want me to hold that?"

"Do you need a flashlight?"

"Do you mind if I clean this?"

"How do you know that's the problem?"

"What if it doesn't work when you're done?"

"I think that goes there."

"I left it apart to make it easier for you."

"My brother in law said it's the glow plug."

"No, the refrigerator door has never been left open."

"My lawyer doesn't even charge that much."

"My dad used to do appliance repair for Sears and he says.....
"My husband took it apart to try and fix it but he's not very handy"
"My sons friend tried to fix it and I think he lost a piece"

This one is becoming more common: "The internet said....


"How long will it work after you repair it"?

Uh, forever. Or until something else breaks. By the way, here's the winning Powerball numbers for next Saturday. And don't take that flight next month. Trust me.

"Can you come over right now? You can? Great! I have to run to the store, can you wait 45 minutes for me?"

I offer a $25 discount if they pay the entire bill in cash.

"Oh! I don't have enough cash on me. Can you follow me to the bank and I'll get it for you?"

Have you ever worked on one of these before?

1) No, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night

2) No, but I watched someone work on one of these. It was kinda boring so I didn't watch the whole thing.

"Are you going to be able to get that back together?"

"Will it be cheaper if my husband helps you take the oven out of the wall?"

"How did that get in there?"

"I don't know what is wrong with it, the wife/mother/owner made the service call"

"What do you mean it's not covered by the warranty, the salesman said it would be?"

" My husband in an engineer"

"I'll be watching to make sure there are no screws left over"

"will this take long? I have another appointment in 10 minutes..."

"I left the door open, but my daughter is home, she's 16"

"some guy from another company ordered these parts, but never came back..."

You need some tools? Here I have mine.

What did you do to fix it?

Where did you learn this stuff?

& the winner is "I think it's the timer."

Can you fix my (appliance), I already bought the part.

I bought my (appliance) from Home Depot, don't they sell replacement parts ?

my old fridge was 20 years old and never had a thing go wrong with it
ok so where is that fridge ??
oh it died

you know i do charge extra to reassemble before i can diagnose whats wrng with it

so who removed the dishwasher from the cavity ?
my husband
thats great he gets to put it back in tonight after i have fixed it :)

do you know whats wrong with it yet ?
yeh its not cold

who installed the dishwasher ?
my husband he is an engineer
oh yes i can see that he is

yes no one left the door open on the fridge
ok here look at the ice here and look at this data see someone left the door open
oh that must have been my husband getting icecream

no we didnt put the wrong detergent in the dishwasher

pulling out a pile of rubbish from washing machine
you do realise that i cant put this through extended warranty
oh ok runs off and yells at kids

ok mate i'll tell you why your freezer isnt freezing food
thats because your freezer is actually a fridge :D

"My son is handy, do you need a helper?"

"Will you take your shoes off?"

"My freezer is warm, but the refrigerator side is working perfectly."

"Will that fix the refrigerator too?"

"They told me at the store that I could put chicken bones in the dishwasher."

"Do you fix ceiling fans?"

"Oh, I thought you were a plumber...so what are you?"

"I can get the part for $4 on Amazon."

"It looked so easy on YouTube."

"Company X doesn't have a service charge, why do you?"

"I work at a bank consulting for small business, your service is too high, it should be $35."

Two more, after quoting the price from book or experience.


Why so much, I only paid this much for it.

Why so much, 1)you did not do anything. or 2)you did not spend much time on it,

It looked easy to repair, why so much.

Your crazy that's too much (after spending an hour tracing down a short in a hot garage with no ventilation)

Joe on Craigs list has a $20 service charge. (Why do you call me then) I'm not to sure about Joe. (( Really I had this conversation))

I love to hear this one, I won't bother you while you are working, then every couple of minutes "how is it going?" "Is it fixed yet?"

Source: Things customers say while you're working...

A cautionary PSA for Grasshoppers undertaking microwave oven repair

Posted by Samurai Appliance Repair Man, in Microwave Oven, Humor 14 May 2013 · 1,095 views
This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by Brother PDuff:

I'm reminded of one time, a fellow tech and myself were at the shop. He was working on a large countertop microwave and I was down the hall in the front office. We could see each other and were carrying on a conversation, I forget about what. I'm absolutely positive he had a few fillings in his mouth because as he was looking and talking to me his hand must have touched the high voltage diode or capacitor, discharging it. I kid you not sparks flew out of his open mouth! Being the trained and responsible guy I am I immediately fell to the floor, laughing my ass off. I eventually recovered and asked him if was ok and he said yes, just scared the hell out of him. I said, "Man, did you see sparks fly out of your mouth?" He said no, he must have missed that. Needless to say we both found new respect for microwaves and the awesome, dangerous, and sometimes hilarious power of the high voltage capacitor.

To learn more about your microwave oven or to buy parts, click here.

Source: Im DUMB and need help on Kitchenaid Microwave khms2040wss-0

Understanding Engineers

Posted by Samurai Appliance Repair Man, in Humor 05 May 2013 · 1,711 views
A priceless compendium of engineer jokes posted by Brother Lee Fix:

Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets

Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

Source: More hotter water, please!

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