(Domo to kdog for the hilarious animated gif)
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● As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
● I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
● I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
● I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
● In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
● Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
● My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
● I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
● I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
● Joan of Arc heard voices too.
● I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
● I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
● As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
● When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
● The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
● All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
● I am at one with my duality.
● I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.
● Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
● I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
● Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
● False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
● A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
● Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
● Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
● The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
● I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
● Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming my parents.
● To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
● To understand all is to fear all.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jerks.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more messed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned to say "F*ck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
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Understanding Engineers05 May 2013
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