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Troubleshooting Guide


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5 replies to this topic

#1 Bob_K

Bob_K

    Samanera

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Posted 18 June 2006 - 03:02 AM

A Troubleshooting Guide for The Fermented Grand Master of Appliantogy.

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE


SYMPTOM
Feet cold and wet

CAUSE
Glass held at incorrect angle

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

SYMPTOM
Feet cold and wet

CAUSE
Glass held at incorrect angle

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

SYMPTOM
Feet warm and wet

CAUSE
Improper Bladder Control

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training

SYMPTOM
Beer unusually pale and tasteless

CAUSE
a. Glass empty.
B. You're holding a Coors Lite

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights

CAUSE
You have fallen over backward.

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Have yourself leashed to bar

SYMPTOM
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes

CAUSE
You have fallen forward

CORRECTIVE ACTION
See above

SYMPTOM
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet

CAUSE
a. Mouth not open
B. Glass applied to wrong part of face

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

SYMPTOM
Floor Blurred

CAUSE
You are looking through bottom of empty glass

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Get someone to buy you another beer

SYMPTOM
Floor moving

CAUSE
You are being carried out

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Find out if you are being taken to another bar

SYMPTOM
Room seems unusually dark

CAUSE
Bar has closed

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run

SYMPTOM
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures

CAUSE
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limits

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

SYMPTOM
Everyone looks up to you and smiles

CAUSE
You are dancing on the table

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Fall on someone cushy-looking

SYMPTOM
Beer is crystal-clear

CAUSE
It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Punch him

SYMPTOM
People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup

CAUSE
You're in the ladies' room

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)

SYMPTOM
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear

CAUSE
You have been in a fight

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

SYMPTOM
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in

CAUSE
You've wandered into the wrong party

CORRECTIVE ACTION
See if they have free beer

SYMPTOM
Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk

CAUSE
a. You're in jail
B. You're in the Navy


CORRECTIVE ACTION
Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances, sleep on your stomach

SYMPTOM
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps

CAUSE
You're in a gay bar

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Keep your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs

SYMPTOM
Your singing sounds distorted

CAUSE
The beer is too weak

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Have more beer until your voice improves

SYMPTOM
Don't remember the words to the song

CAUSE
Beer is just right

CORRECTIVE ACTION
Play air guitar

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#2 Samurai Appliance Repair Man

Samurai Appliance Repair Man

    Shōgun

  • Master Samurai Tech
  • 29,045 posts
  • Location: USA
  • Flavorite Brew:Sapporo Original Draft Rice Lager

Posted 18 June 2006 - 04:43 AM

A very erudite and detailed troubleshooting guide which illustrated important troubleshooting principles: logical thinking, correctly identifying cause and effect, and skillfully implementing corrective actions. Great post, Bob! I moved it here to the General Appliance forum where it will hopefully find a larger audience.

#3 bigger hammer

bigger hammer

    Kohai

  • Sublime Master of Appliantology
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  • 288 posts

Posted 18 June 2006 - 12:22 PM

file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/d/Desktop/Scanned/flowchart.jpg

i hope this helps many in all lines of work

(and i hope the swearing doesnt hurt anyone's virgin ears)

Before you start.....how much is it going to cost and how long is it going to take?

#4 bigger hammer

bigger hammer

    Kohai

  • Sublime Master of Appliantology
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  • 288 posts

Posted 18 June 2006 - 08:13 PM

didnt seem to load....trying again

Attached Files


Before you start.....how much is it going to cost and how long is it going to take?

#5 Samurai Appliance Repair Man

Samurai Appliance Repair Man

    Shōgun

  • Master Samurai Tech
  • 29,045 posts
  • Location: USA
  • Flavorite Brew:Sapporo Original Draft Rice Lager

Posted 19 June 2006 - 03:02 AM

Very helpful troubleshooting chart, BH! I'm going to use it it write up a post explaining the finer points of troubleshooting. ;)

#6 bigger hammer

bigger hammer

    Kohai

  • Sublime Master of Appliantology
  • PipPipPip
  • 288 posts

Posted 19 June 2006 - 08:31 PM

lol.... i like to highlight the part   "did you F@#$% with it?"
Before you start.....how much is it going to cost and how long is it going to take?




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